Diprose's Annual Book of Fun, Facts & Fiction [Afterw.] Diprose's Annual (Paperback)

This historic book may have numerous typos and missing text. Purchasers can download a free scanned copy of the original book (without typos) from the publisher. Not indexed. Not illustrated. Excerpt: ...prefer meadows of unmixed green grass, unless the flowers are equally good for food. As for the blossoming of the trees, I look upon it as a mistake, as a waste of the forces of Nature, and I should prefer two crops of fruit per annum and no blossoming." Aunt Rhoda put aside her work, and said--"I am sure you are only joking, and I don't like such awful jokes." Mr. Netherflint stroked his smooth chin with his fat fingers, and replied--"I never joke. It don't pay to joke, unless you are in the boobytickling line. My creed is, what pays is right, and what don't pay is wrong. I look at religion commercially. Is religion good? Then it must pay. Does religion pay? It pays handsome, and therefore it must be good. My creed stands all here, there and everywhere; in trade and out of trade, --if it is possible not to be trading, one way or other, which I don't believe." "An awful creed " said Aunt Rhoda. "But what is is, and what isn't isn't, and fact is fact. Now, Miss Rhoda, do you mean to tell me that babies and childhood are not mistakes of Nature? Would it not save a vast deal of trouble and expense if we came into the world able to be self-supporting earners and producers a month or two after birth, instead of being nonproducing consumers for nearly a score of years? The blunders of Nature are many and prodigious " Aunt Rhoda was about to leave the room. "Don't let my creed frighten you away. If it comes to correct doing I am to the fore with any man. I pay twenty shillings in the pound; and you will find the name of Donald Netherflint, Esq., figuring in the subscription lists of no less than twenty-three charities. If that don't cover a multitude of sins, then charity don't pay and is wrong " "I know you me...