The Miserable Mill (Downloadable audio file, Unabridged, Windows Media ed)

"Could life for the Baudelaire orphans possibly get any worse? In a word, yes. Dear Customer, I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to listen to this CD because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience. If this is the case, I advise you to put it down instantaneously, because of all the volumes describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, this might be the unhappiest yet." "Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire are sent to Paltryville to work in a lumbermill, and they find disaster and misfortune lurking behind every log. These include, I'm sorry to inform you, such unpleasantries as a giant pincher machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, a hypnotist, a terrible accident resulting in injury, and coupons. I have promised to record the entire history of these three poor children, but you haven't, so if your customers prefer stories that are more heartwarming, please feel free to make another selection." - with all due respect, Lemony Snicket.