The Paranormal Parody Collection (Paperback)

ROMANCE NOVEL Smella Rosepetal must find a millionaire husband to finance her baby's heart transplant. She flies home to her father's ranch in Pitchforks, Texas, where she falls in love with Deadward Forest, a wealthy environmentalist vampire. When a deranged murderer is on the loose in Pitchforks, killing romance heroines, Deadward assumes Smella would be safer without him, so Smella goes on a perilous hunt for a rich husband. Time is running out for Smella's baby, and she must escape the Australian Outback, then face down Flabio, an overweight and disgruntled, aspiring cover model, plus enraged vampire wives and their homosexual, vampire, cowboy husbands, a jealous were-gerbil and Smella's strange boyfriend who wants to drain her blood, yet is repulsed by her smell. THE VAMPIRE HANDBOOK Before beginning that dark and shadowed journey into a life of eternal damnation, every vampire is required to read THE VAMPIRE HANDBOOK, a short step-by-step guide to becoming a vampire and then adjusting to the bloodsucking lifestyle. In addition to THE VAMPIRE HANDBOOK, you will also get THE WERE/SHAPE-SHIFTER HANDBOOK and THE ZOMBIE HANDBOOK. RALPHIE THE SPECIAL WEREWOLF Ralphie doesn't want to get snipped, but his pack is tired of watching him defile the pillow cushions. Now, he's got to find a mate by Halloween night- or else. MELVIN THE DRYCLEANING ZOMBIE Ever since Melvin could remember, he's had a crush on dry cleaning customer, Simone. Too bad he's a zombie and can't remember much. If only Simone would be his girl, or at the very least, let Melvin eat the gooey matter inside her cranium. VAMPIRE SHOE WAREHOUSE Bethany's tired of her dead-end job as a manager at a shoe store, but she can't quit or else her evil boss will expose her secret, resulting in certain death. Henry is a failure who dropped out of wizarding school, but that doesn't stop him from pining over Bethany. Can the world's worst wizard use his magic to save the girl of his dreams? Will that be enough to keep her from feasting on his jugular?