Bakers Dozen (Paperback)

Bakers Dozen is a fun and enjoyable tale that follows a somewhat douche-baggy protagonist and his buddy on their search for the truth about a series of axe murders in a small town.

Alright, that's really f'n cliche, lets try this again. This is my Proper Blurb.

Bakers Dozen is a new and exciting book by first time author S. M. Sharkey. Take what you know about the Horror genre, add a spoon full of sacharine and then top it off with a tinge of sadness with just a touch of John Woo (his ring finger or something, nothing major), and that's pretty much what it is. Give or take. Pretty much. Pretty uh...well, this is pretty bad. Let's try again.

Ok, since that sucked too, I'll now try for the ever bustling tween market. This is for all the Twilight/50 Shades/Whatever readers out there.

Bakers Dozen is another Horror genre book just like the ones you are used to reading. It has a guy in it who is probably pretty good looking. He also has a fairly decent amount of money. If you buy this book, and two for each of your friends, there is a pretty good chance that a guy like the one in this book - let's just call him "Edwardian," as that that's where the term originates -will come to your house and sweep you off of your feet. The more you buy, the better your chances If you're into bondage or whatever it is you crazy kids/bored mothers read about these days, I give you express permission to use my characters in all of your mental Boy Scout Knot Scenarios that are of a sexual nature. Real talk. And a real deal.

One more thing, if you fail to copy and paste this to your Facebook page your mother will die in four days. I'm sorry, but now that you've read it you have to pay the price of awesome.

(I can't decide if I'm buildings markets or destroying them - I knew I should have made my pen name N. Ron. Hubbard)

For those of you bored enough to have taken the time to read this just know that yes, I, the author of the book above, took time out of my day to attempt to brighten yours with my ramblings and rampant stupidity. In return for this I feel that it's only fair that you give me your money. Preferably it would be all of it, but if that's not doable for you I would understand if you only bought, say, 46 copies.

I am nothing if not reasonable.

Thank you for your time and your purchase,

- S. M. Sharkey