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Is there a hole in your week where a certain TV dating show used to be? Do you want to dive back into the pool of shimmering amorous advances and bantz? Are you feeling totally mugged off and a complete Tuna Melt? If these words make sense to you then step right in and let’s get grafting. If they don’t make sense to you then where have you been?
100% My Type on Paper is a doodling activity book for everyone. Unleash your inner love goddess and explore your romantic side through a series of buzzin’ un-psychometric and 100% unscientific tests, such as:
- Draw a head on this buff torso, and draw the lower half of his body. Draw him with swim shorts on, or draw him without. You decide.
- It’s your birthday pool party! Draw up a drinks menu, make a playlist and plan your theme. Unicorn Princess? Roman Harem? Who would you invite?
- Think about your friends and draw up your own Girl Code. Who is playing by the rules and who needs a talking to?
With general lifestyle tips that will arm you with everything you need to crack on with life and love, 100% My Type on Paper will take you to the heat of a Mediterranean island even if it’s a wet Wednesday in Worthing.
Victor Starspeeder is back at Jedi Academy for year #2, but it's not going the way he'd planned. He was excited about Drama Club and hoped to get the lead in this year's musical... But a new kid got the role. He keeps oversleeping and getting to class late . . . Worst of all, his big sister Christina is getting ready to graduate from Jedi Academy, and there are rumors going around that she's a Sith! What's a Padawan to do? In times when he feels more alone than ever, Victor will have to trust the ways of the Force and his friends if he's going to survive year two in this all-new chapter in the Jedi Academy series.
As told through a mix of comics, doodles, and journal entries, it's Victor Starspeeder's third year at Jedi Academy! It's also his first year EVER without his sister, Christina. Plus, things at Jedi Academy are... weird. After last year's security breach, Principal Marr has been demoted and replaced with Commander ZC-04, a big, scary droid. There's a curfew, new regulations, and everyone is on edge. But when Victor and his friends dig a little deeper into the changes at the school, they find that there's a lot more to this story than the droids want to admit! It's an all-new, out-of-this-world Jedi Academy adventure as The Principal Strikes Back!
'It is a Great Novel . . . It has depth, wit, nuance and life. Heartbreaking and funny' NIGELLA LAWSON 'Shrewdly observed, brimming with wisdom and utterly of this moment . . . Taffy Brodesser-Akner's debut is that rare and delicious treat: a page turner with heft' MARIA SEMPLE ONE OF ESQUIRE UK'S 'BOOKS WE CAN'T WAIT TO READ IN 2019' AND LITERARY HUB'S 'MOST ANTICIPATED BOOKS OF 2019' Finally free from his nightmare of a marriage, Toby Fleishman is ready for a life of Tinder dating and weekend-only parental duties. But as he optimistically looks to a future of few responsibilities, his life turns upside-down as his ex-wife Rachel suddenly disappears. While Toby tries to find out what happened - juggling work, kids and his new, app-assisted sexual popularity - his tidy narrative of a spurned husband is his sole consolation. But if he ever wants to really understand where Rachel went and what really happened to his marriage, he is going to have to consider that he might not have seen it all that clearly in the first place . . . A BLISTERING SATIRICAL NOVEL ABOUT MARRIAGE, DIVORCE AND MODERN RELATIONSHIPS, BY ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING NEW VOICES IN AMERICAN FICTION 'A marvel, full of shrewd observations, barbed wit, and deep insight . . . a remarkable debut novel from one of the most distinctive writers around' TOM PERROTTA 'Firing on all circuits, from psychological insight to cultural acuity to narrative strategy to very smart humor. Quite a debut!' KIRKUS (STARRED REVIEW)
Ripley's has spent 100 years compiling strange-but-true facts from around the world. Now, the most extraordinary stories from the last century are brought together in a single colourful volume. Featured Believe It Or Not stories include: * The chicken that lived for months without its head * The man who swallowed seven swords at once * The jockey who died while riding his horse - but won the race anyway With spectacular photos throughout, 100 Best Bions is a must-have for any Ripley's fan. Incredibly hard to believe. Undeniably true!
Navigate the messy world of modern relationships with advice from the iconic characters of the hit 90s Nickelodeon TV show, Hey Arnold! For everyone who thought that embarrassing crushes and awkward dates would be left in the school yard, the Nickelodeon Hey Arnold!: Guide to Relationships is the must-have handbook on matters of the heart. Whether it is uncovering true relationship goals with Grandpa and Grandma or pursuing the object of your affection with the single-minded dedication of Helga Pataki, let Arnold and the gang help you find happiness, not heartbreak. The perfect gift for the football head in your life, this lively and straight-talking book takes a trip down memory lane with hilarious moments from the original animated series. Produced in collaboration with Nickelodeon, the Nickelodeon Hey Arnold!: Guide to Relationships is an affectionate and amusing take on relationships, for a new generation of adults who have a soft spot for their favourite childhood cartoons.
Who are the greatest villains, the direst leaders and most offensive personalities to have spread their regrettable influence throughout the modern world? Be it through politics, war, sport, culture or just their general idiocy? Well, take your pick… From Adolf to Zuckerberg – via Mao and Mountbatten, OJ and Osama – 50 People Who Stuffed Up The World is filled with the nastiest names from the 20th century and beyond. These are men of infamy (and a handful of women) who have steered our good ship Humanity towards the World-War-fighting, smart-phone-tapping age we are mired in today, be it through their totalitarian visions of global dominance (Stalin, King Leopold II), ruinous warmongering (Hideki Tojo, George W Bush) or tragic megalomania (Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein). But the obvious political despots and historical heavy-hitters are just the half of it; there’s also the archetypal modern terrorist (Carlos the Jackal), the man behind the global obesity epidemic (Ancel Keys), the clothes-less emperor of modern art (Charles Saatchi), the world’s most notorious drug baron (Pablo Escobar), the father of the A-bomb (Robert Oppenheimer), architects of a failed social experiments (DF Malan & HF Verwoerd), the less expected sports villains (Lance Armstrong, Diego Maradona), the talentless icons of modern celebrity-dom (Kim Kardashian, Justin Bieber) and our current surreal car-crash-in-motion (Donald Trump, of course). The result is a book with global appeal that is part popular history, part social commentary, and all entertainment.
Meet the world-famous waistband warrior. the amazing Captain Underpants! Class clowns George Beard and Harold Hutchins love pulling pranks. and making comics. So what happens when they accidentally turn their mean old principal into a comic-book hero who fights villains using wedgie power? Well, Jerome Horwitz Elementary School - and the world - will never be the same! In this book, you'll get up close and personal with these two practical pranksters. and spend some quality time with Captain Underpants and the kids of Jerome Horwitz Elementary. Plus, you'll meet brand-new villains like the Vile Vimpire, Queen Tootenfarti, the Homework Hydra, DJ Drowsy Drawers, and many more! It's your must-have guide to the hilarious hit TV show.
Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist and bestselling author of Dave Barry Turns 40 now shows how to age gracefully, taking cues from his beloved and highly intelligent dog, Lucy. Faced with the obstacles and challenges of life after middle age, Dave Barry turns to his best dog, Lucy, to learn how to live his best life. From "Make New Friends" (an unfortunate fail when he can't overcome his dislike for mankind) to "Don't Stop Having Fun" (validating his longtime membership in a marching unit that performs in parades--and even Obama's inauguration), Dave navigates his later years with good humor and grace. Lucy teaches Dave how to live in the present, how to let go of daily grievances, and how to feel good in your own skin. The lessons are drawn from Dave's routine humiliations and stream-of-consciousness accounts of the absurdities of daily life, which will leave you heaving with laughter and recognition. Laugh-out-loud hilarious, whether he's trying to "Pay Attention to the People You Love" (even when your brain is not listening) or deciding to "Let Go of Your Anger," Dave Barry's Lessons From Lucy is a witty and wise guide to joyous living.
For more than twenty years, Tony Hawks has been mistaken for Tony Hawk, the American skateboarder. Even though it is abundantly clear on his website that he is an English comedian and author, people still write to him asking the best way to do a kickflip or land a melon. One mischievous day he started writing back in a pompous tone, goading his correspondents for their spelling mistakes and poor grammar, while offering bogus or downright silly advice on how to improve their skateboarding. Featuring entries on parents' pain, disappointment, underachievers, Quorn and the Vatican, this is his A to Z guide to the world of skateboarding, as seen through the eyes of someone who knows absolutely nothing about it.
In this brilliant new edition of Pirates, Terry Deary reveals the terrible truth behind the lousy pirate legends and lies so forget the brave heroes swinging from masts and the handsome young men sailing the seven seas for this is history at its most horrible! Readers can: decide who was the baddest of the bunch in the top ten of putrid pirates discover why the women pirates were just as wicked as the men learn to talk the patter of a pirate Plus there are foul facts on the ships they sailed, the punishments they suffered and the rules they lived by. Now the nasty bits are at your fingertips!
The Big Book of Office Bollocks is jam-packed with enough fun and banter to banish your Monday-to-Friday, Nine-to-Five office boredom. In this incredible collection of office-related high jinx, jokes and pranks you will find essential advice on how to throw the perfect sickie, ways to annoy your boss (without getting fired) and how to create works of art using office stationery. Filled with hilarious quotes, witty observations, and truly daft management speak to baffle your boss, The Big Book of Office Bollocks will ensure you'll never get bored at work again!
They sound like the Bad Guys, they look like the Bad Guys... and they even smell like the Bad Guys in this fully illustrated, laugh-out-loud adventure. Mr Wolf and his bad, bad buddies,Mr Piranha, Mr Snake and Mr Shark, have messed with the wrong guinea pig. And this nasty little furball wants revenge. But that's nothing compared to the ZOMBIE KITTEN APOCALYPSE! Should you panic? Should you cry? NO! Just sit back and watch the fur fly as the world's baddest good guys take on two new adventures.
'No' is the first thing I ever said. It was actually the only thing I said in my first speaking months. Like most children, I was born with an innate ability to set boundaries for myself. 'No.' 'Mine.' I intuitively knew how to practise self-care and self-preservation. Then, at some point, just like my ability to shuffle across the floor on my butt, I forgot how to say no... Traumatic childhood sleepovers, stressful social occasions, unrealistic demands at work, unwanted second dates and endless offers of cake, in her memoir, award-winning writer Stefanie Preissner leaves no NO unexplored. From the issue of consent, and what happens when a whole country comes together to say Yes, Can I Say NO? is one woman's honest and hilarious take on how re-learning one small word can pave the way to saying YES to who you really are.
Imagine if all your Christmases did actually “come at once”.
That idiom is supposed to evoke an image of delight, happiness and nothing going wrong, but the British Christmas doesn’t always turn out that way. Yes, sometimes all the gifts are perfect, everyone’s on great form and no one chokes on a mince pie. But on other occasions you’ll fall through a glass cabinet or set your cardigan on fire.
A Very British Christmas pays tribute to all the peculiar ways we choose to celebrate; it tells stories of our propensity to behave badly, our uselessness under pressure and our unquenchable joie de vivre. Join us as we salute cultural icons, dissect national customs and hear from people who’ve eaten all the turkey and lived to tell the tale.
Tidings of discomfort, tidings of joy.
Are men supposed to be fighters? Lovers? Hunter-gatherers? Fashionistas? Business gurus? Culinary experts? You're wrong if you think one man can't be a jack AND a master of all trades. In How To Be A Man, I'll show you how to be a proper god amongst men. This book caters for a girthy gap in the market but it's not just for the lads! Ladies, take heed - these are the qualities you should look for in a heterosexual mate. You'll learn how to boss a job interview - remember, the eyes are the windows to the soul which is why you should avoid eye-contact at all costs. You don't want them looking into your disgustingly dirty soul. I also share some chirpsing tekkers, such as my new style, `7 down, 1 up,' where you viciously insult the lady seven times and then give her one compliment. And I've even shared some of my go-to recipes (Medium Rare Hearty Chicken with Crunchy Peanut Dust Roast Potato and Beef Monster Munch). But I'm not giving you any more details than that - you'll have to buy the book. Remember, the first hit's for free but you'll be back! ;) So, sit back, relax, light a candle. Get naked if you want to. Get the baby oil out - I don't judge - and let your manly juices flow. PS. I dedicate this book to my ex-wife, Aldona. I loved you and you ended up running away with another man, stealing my beautiful Merc and my most prized possession - the golden foot spa. But I'm totally over it and look at me now - I'm only a bloody published author. So yeah, I'm totally FINE. I'm thriving, in fact. I don't need you anymore! I AM SO OVER YOU! HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS BOOK!
Die geliefde dominee Barend Vos se sketse oor die lewe van ’n predikant en sy gesin in ’n plattelandse gemeente het tot op hede in vyf bundels verskyn. Dié sketse verskyn die afgelope tien jaar elke maand in die tydskrif LIG, met illustrasies deur Fred Mouton.
In Liefdegroete, Grootseun word ’n dertigtal van Vos se Grootseun-stukke wat die afgelope jare in Lig verskyn het, byeen gebring as keur van die meer as 100 wat sedert sy laaste versameling verskyn het. Elke rubriek word aangebied as ’n brief wat deur “Grootseun” geskryf word aan sy ouers. Die sketse het meestal ’n sterk humoristiese aanslag en gefokus op ’n plattelandse kerkgemeenskap waarvolgens “Grootseun” die Jongdominee van die gemeente is. Die ruimte is dus plattelands, kerklik en geskryf met ’n deernisvolle aanbod wat eie is aan Vos se skryfstyl.
Planet Earth is brimming with love, and this book is filled with ways to express it. Compiled with a far-flung team of linguistic consultants from Dubai to Shanghai, the I Love You Pocket Translator will enable you to speak the language of love wherever your globe-trotting heart may lead you. Each phrase includes an easy-to-follow phonetic pronunciation and a map highlighting countries where it is most commonly spoken Includes 103 diverse languages, from Albanian to Zulu, as well as fanciful ones, such as Pig Latin, Klingon, and Elvish! Sets the bar high for "I love you" gifts-after all, is there a greater gift than saying "I love you"? Love gifts? Especially no-fuss ones? This title's here for you on Valentine's Day, anniversaries, or any time you need to show some love. 3.85 x 5.20 inches; 128 pages
Gerry Brooks is an elementary school principal turned YouTube celebrity, and the creator of YouTube videos such as "First Week of School Stress" (over 1.6 million views and counting). He tells jokes with the kind of mocking--yet folksy and good-natured--humor that gets a laugh from teachers and administrators (yet can be safely shared in school). Served up with a dash of humor and a healthy dose of wisdom, Go See the Principal expands on the author's viral video fame and offers comic relief and inspiration to educators. Ranging from practical topics like social media use in the classroom to parent-teacher conferences to more humorous sections such as "Ways to Spot a Teacher in Public" and "Gift Ideas for Your Teacher's Birthday," Go See the Principal is both the comic relief and practical advice all educators need. Brooks also shares suggestions, ideas, and declarations commonly heard in and around the classroom--as well as illustrations, both from students and inspired by them.
Ever wondered how to make a garden attractive in December? Or what to do with that corner by the dustbin? Answers to these questions can be found in this compact and charming book of tips for the green-fingered, accompanied by Heath Robinson's highly inventive and humorous cartoons. First published in 1938, the book gives an insight into gardening trends on the eve of the Second World War while also addressing common concerns faced by gardeners. It features many typically elaborate contraptions such as the Combined Telescopic Spaderake for digging and raking at the same time, the Inebriate Roller for making wobbly garden paths and the Osoeezi Slugsticker. While some are patently ridiculous - a lawn is de-thistled and resown with the help of a barrel of grass seed strapped onto a small donkey - others are before their time, such as a special pump that can divert your bathwater into your garden hose, a contraption that is not wildly dissimilar to gadgets on the market today. Finally, the growing of vegetables inspires some sage advice: `with the right kind of upbringing, a marrow will attain astonishing dimensions, and can be used for boasting purposes.' Poking gentle fun at a British obsession with a detailed illustration on almost every page, this book will delight both aspiring and experienced gardeners alike.
Need to pimp a stag do? These ludicrous yet creative dares will switch things up and give you something fun to do - apart from getting very drunk, obviously. Read the last text message you received, out loud, in the style of a town crier. For the next 30 minutes, drink everything from a shoe. And when drinking from your shoe, you are only to be referred to as `Lord Biblington', so get into character. Stag parties will never be the same. Play the game, if you dare...
'A funny but also touching diary praised for its wit and realism' BBC Radio 4 Front Row The Old-But-Not-Dead Club return, in the sequel to the INTERNATIONALLY BESTSELLING The Secret Diary of Hendrik Groen, 83 1/4 Years Old, bringing with them some life-affirming lawlessness. Chaos will ensue as 85-year-old Hendrik Groen is determined to grow old with dignity: to rise up against the care home director. NO more bingo. NO more over-boiled vegetables. NO more health and safety. 85-year-old Hendrik Groen is fed up to his false teeth with coffee mornings and bingo. He dreams of escaping the confines of his care home and practising hairpin turns on his mobility scooter. Inspired by his fellow members of the recently formed Old-But-Not-Dead Club, he vows to put down his custard cream and commit to a spot of octogenarian anarchy. But the care home's Director will not stand for drunken bar crawls, illicit fireworks and geriatric romance on her watch. The Old-But-Not-Dead Club must stick together if they're not to go gently into that good night. Things turn more serious, however, when rumours surface that the home is set for demolition. It's up to Hendrik and the gang to stop it - or drop dead trying . . . He may be the wrong side of 85, but Hendrik Groen has no intention of slowing up - or going down without a fight. Praise for Hendrik Groen 'A story with a great deal of heart, it pulled me in with its self-deprecating humour, finely drawn characters and important themes. Anyone who hopes to grow old with dignity will have much to reflect on' Graeme Simsion 'There are many laughs in this book but it's so much more than just a comedy. It's a story about how friendship, selflessness and dignity lie at the heart of the human experience. When I'm an old man, I want to be Hendrik Groen' John Boyne 'I laughed until I cried and then laughed and cried some more' David Suchet 'Thoughtful, anxious and gruff... Laced with humour' The Best New Fiction Mail on Sunday 'Amusing [and] wickedly accurate' ***** FIVE STARS Sunday Express 'Highly entertaining ... a fiction so closely based on the observation of real life that it is utterly convincing' Daily Express 'Full of off-beat charm and quirky characters' Cathy Rentzenbrink, Stylist 'Hendrik pens an expose of his care home. This geriatric Adrian Mole made me laugh and think. Terrific' Fanny Blake, Woman and Home
THE WONDERFUL FINAL INSTALMENT TO THE INTERNATIONALLY BESTSELLING SERIES THAT BEGAN WITH THE ROSIE PROJECT 'Heart-warming and clever' Daily Mail 'Incredibly funny, life-affirming and warm-hearted' Heat __________ Big-hearted, hilarious and exuberantly life-affirming, The Rosie Result is a story of overcoming life's obstacles with a little love and a lot of overthinking. Meet Don Tillman, the genetics professor with a scientific approach to everything. But he's facing a set of human dilemmas tougher than the trickiest of equations. Right now he is in professional hot water after a lecture goes viral for all the wrong reasons; his wife of 4,380 days, Rosie, is about to lose the research job she loves; and - the most serious problem of all - their eleven-year-old son, Hudson, is struggling at school. He's a smart kid, but socially awkward and not fitting in. Fortunately, Don's had a lifetime's experience of not fitting in. And he's going to share the solutions with Hudson. He'll need the help of old friends and new, lock horns with the education system, and face some big questions about himself. As well as opening the world's best cocktail bar. If you liked The Wisdom of Sally Red Shoes, Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, and The Trouble with Goats and Sheep, then you'll love The Rosie Project series. __________ 'Uplifting' Mail on Sunday 'Hilarity is the order of the day in this joyful read' Prima 'A fun and satisfying read' Sunday Express 'A fast-paced enjoyable journey. Genuinely heartwarming' Independent 'One of the most original and endearing characters in the literary world' Herald Praise for The Rosie Project series: 'Sublime, pitch-perfect, extremely funny' Independent 'Compulsively readable. A poignant, universal story about how best to reconcile head and heart' Observer 'Exuberantly life-affirming' Sunday Times Brilliant, important, good-hearted' Guardian
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