The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce; The Devil's Dictionary Volume 7 (Paperback)

This historic book may have numerous typos and missing text. Purchasers can download a free scanned copy of the original book (without typos) from the publisher. Not indexed. Not illustrated. 1911 edition. Excerpt: ...to pitch in, Discharging the first censorious stone. Besides, the truth compels me to say, The boots in question were made that way. As he drew the lace she made a grimace, And blushingly said to him: . "This boot, I'm sure, is too high to endure, It hurts my--hurts my--limb." The salesman smiled in a manner mild, Like an artless, undesigning child; Then, checking himself, to his face he gave A look as sorrowful as the grave, Though he didn't care two figs For her pains and throes, As he stroked her toes, Remarking with speech and manner just Befitting his calling: "Madam, I trust That it doesn't hurt your twigs." B. Percival Dike. LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp."--Calcraft the Hangman. LITIGANT, n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones. LITIGATION, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. I LlVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the liver; and even Gascoygne, speaking of the emotional side of human nature, calls it "our hepaticall parte." It was at one time considered the seat of life; hence its name--liver, the thing we live with. Thfc liver is heaven's best gift to the goose; without it that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg pate. LL.D. Letters indicating the degree Legump-tlonorum Doctor, one learned in laws, gifted with legal gumption. Some suspicion is cast upon this derivation by the fact that the title was formerly .d.f and conferred only upon gentlemen distinguished for their wealth. At the date of this writing Columbia...