The Repository of Wit and Humor; Comprising More Than One Thousand Anecdotes, Odd Scraps, Off-Hand Hits, and Humorous Sketches (Paperback)

This historic book may have numerous typos and missing text. Purchasers can download a free scanned copy of the original book (without typos) from the publisher. Not indexed. Not illustrated. 1857 Excerpt: ...the taxes. A certain contractor, who was taxed at fifty thousand pounds sterling, replied to a nobleman who offered to get him acquitted for twelve thousand five hundred pounds, " Faith, my lord, you come too late; I have already agreed with your lady for six thousand two hundred and fifty." DIVERTING VAGABOND. Mossop, the player, always spoke in heroics. A cobbler in Dublin, who once brought home his boots, refused to leave them without the money. Mossop came in whilst he was disputing, and, looking sternly, exclaimed, " Tell me, are you the noted cobbler I have often heard of 1" " Yes," says the fellow, " and I think you the diverting vagabond I have often seen," A WORD TO SNUFF-TAKERS. A Lady asked her physician whether snuff was injurious to the brain. "No," said he, "for nobody who has any brains ever takes snuff." SOLITUDE. The celebrated Dr. Young was fond of retirement. A young man, -who observed him often walking alone, said to him, one day, in accosting him, " Sir, how can you bear this solitude?" " I had only begun to be alone," answered Young, " at the moment you accosted me." VALUE OF JUSTCE. M. Camus, having bought a charge of bailiff for his son, advised him never to work in vain, but to raise contributions on those who wanted his assistance. " What, father," said the son, in surprise, "would you have me sell justice?" "Why not?" answered the father: "is so scarce an article to be given for nothing?" FEMALE QUARRELS. The spretce injuria forma is the greatest with a woman. The Earl of Chesterfield, hearing that two of his female relations had quarrelled, asked, "Did they call each other ugly " " No.&qu...