The Essays of an Ex-Paranoid Schizophrenic (Paperback)

Description

These works illustrate the difference between the view commonly promoted by the gutter press and the personal reality for me. They show that violence can be absent from a sufferer's behaviour while thoughts promoting love, harmony, truth and peace are evident, leading to positive activities appreciated by those lucky enough to witness and benefit from them. A sense of humour is shown to be of paramount importance, which, together with good- humour and forgiveness, blesses everyone.

It needs to be said that the stories are somewhat poetic and require concentration. They need to be imbibed slowly and thoughtfully, like an old whisky. But, unlike liquor, after spending some time on them one may become enlightened rather than befuddled.

About the Author

I was born in Hampshire in summer 1951 to dysfunctional parents. My maternal grandmother thought in 1930 that she wanted her recently deceased son to have died as she didn't realize that she could want him to have not died. My mother copied her and later married my father who had issues over his own mother's death that happened when he was 11 years old. My dead uncle's existence was kept a secret from me until 1998, in addition my paternal grandmother was never talked about until then briefly.

In the 1950's sensing that my maternal grandmother and mother thought they wanted someone to have died, I was afraid it was me that was the subject of these thoughts and, scared of being killed, decided I'd commit suicide as at least then I'd have control of the time, place and particular cause of my death. I deteriorated from there until 1978 when I exhibited paranoid behaviour and first entered a psychiatric hospital, as I came to blame my parents for real crimes committed in the '60's and '70's, that they were innocent of.

Being placed on Redeptin depot injection, I've continued on a depot injection ever since though, for the past 24 years it has been Modecate medication. I have undergone person-centred counselling for 13 years and, since the family secrets were divulged in October 1998, have more rapidly, under the circumstances, recovered to the extent were my medication is being reduced in amount, at the moment being 12.5mg. of Modecate fortnightly and diminishing.

The form this recovery has taken has been implicit in replacing old, contemporaneous, explanations for historic and current phenomena taking place with more correct, accurate and truthful reasoning, based upon established facts.

Motivation was stimulated by the very unpleasant symptoms of schizophrenia which I wanted to end. I harnessed this motivation with a personal philosophy which I created, a sort of "moral code" to live by. This, together with a belief in forgiveness, led to activities e.g. working in a " halfway house" for the past 14 years and pursuing Karaoke singing and also writing, which increase my self-esteem and therefore my strength to recover.