The Miseries of Human Life, Or, the Last Groans of Timothy Testy and Samuel Sensitive (Volume 1); With a Few Supplementary Sighs from Mrs. Testy, with Which Are Now for the First Time Interspersed, Varieties, Incidental to the Principal Matter, in Prose a (Paperback)

This historic book may have numerous typos, missing text or index. Purchasers can download a free scanned copy of the original book (without typos) from the publisher. 1807. Not illustrated. Excerpt: ... DIALOGUE THE TENTH. MISERIES DOMESTIC; INCLUDING THE DRESSING-ROOM, AND BED-CHAMBER. Testy, Senior and Junior.--Sensitive. (Teshft House.) Testy. Sit down, Sensitive; sit down.--I wish you may be able to make out any thing like a meal. We should have had a rare opportunity for remarks, here, if we had not lately taken such good care of the breakfast table in that way.--As it is, make yourself as little of a wretch as you can.--You would have had neither tea nor sugar, I can tell you, if I had not kicked open the tea-chest, a minute before you came in; for Mrs Testy, as usual with her when she gads, has gadded off with every key in the house.--Come, begin, begin --I have ordered as few things as possible for your breakfast, that you may have a negative chance of comfort, at least. I have taken care that there should be no coffee for you;-- for there is not a jade, or a scoundrel in my kitchen, that I could ever yet get to wait for the third bubble;--nor any cocoa, neither, -- for I would not poison you with a thousand bubbles, which they do wait for;--and as for cold meat, and such things, I should be sorry to give my friend the orts of the cat, who they always contrive should be first served, by carefully leaving open the pantry door: -- I'll order up some butter, if you insist upon it --you'll only excuse me from tasting it when it comes, that's all --and perhaps, too, you may like your bread toasted, as they call it-- that is, scorched, smoked, and smutted. Sen. You are very attentive indeed, my good sir;--and I will make the best of what remains, after you have so kindly impoverished the table for my benefit. Tes. Well, but--there is no time to be lost, you know--we have only one whole day before us, into which we have to cram the crosses of our whole domesti...