From Victim to Victory (Paperback)

THE BIRTH OF MY BABY I had to stop going to school and I was put on bed rest for some weeks because of the toxemia. All because my brother wanted sex. I often wonder if he thinks about this. Mom would call, but she never came to visit, even while I was on bed rest, she never came. When it was time for me to deliver my baby, I was put in the hospital until they induced my labor, once induced, I don't remember the actual birth but I was told that I almost died giving birth. I saw my son, I held him and they wasn't for sure about the adoption until mom said I was suppose to put him up for adoption. But I held him, I smelled him and he looked just like his dad, his uncle, my brother, Marcus. He had the big ears, and the Johnson features. I named him Dennis Johnson, something real simple to fit him. My dad came to the hospital to see me and he said he seen my son. He looked so hurt. He said he looked just like Marcus. I cried so hard and I still had dreams of being chased. One nurse heard me talk in my sleep. She woke me up and ask was I alright. My mom came over one day and told me "you're putting this baby up for adoption, I'm not raising no bastard baby." That hurt me more than the blows that I took from her when she found out I was pregnant. What was a bastard? Why would she say that to me knowing I almost died giving birth. I wanted my baby, I wanted to bring him home and love him and raise him. Before I went back to the home to collect my things, Mom told me that I had to go before a judge and tell him why I was putting my baby up for adoption, she told me to say "I can't raise a child at my age, I'm too young." That was true, but that was my baby. When I went before the judge, helooked real scary. He was a white man in a black robe, and I remember him asking me why I wanted to put my child up for adoption. I didn't want to say it, but I said exactly what mom told me to say. I was nervous. I remember thinking about saying something else, but I didn't want to make mom mad. I don't remember leaving the court house or what happened after that. I cried a lot, and was bitter at my mom and my brother, but they didn't know about it. I had good reason to be. He got me pregnant, she beats me and I almost lose my life for this mess. Just 11 years old and already a mom. I finally went back home with a fat stomach and stretch marks. I had gained weight and of course everyone knew about what happened because my mom told her friends and of course their children were my friends. Mom even talked about how big my butt had gotten. She still called me fast tail. At that point, she said I was built like my grandmother on my daddy's side. I hated every time she said that. That made me feel so ugly and so bad. People had questions as to were I had been and what had happened to me. Of course my sister told me to tell people that I had went to stay with other family members and that they fed me good. When I went back to school, all my friends made fun of me, teased me and even beat up on me. I really wanted to crawl in a hole and die. If I knew how to commit suicide, I would have done it right then. I use to think that I was in a coma, and one day when I wake up this was all going to be over. I had a make believe family that loved me and treated me nice and we had no problems. I thought this for along time until I realized that this life was real. But I held onto being in a coma causeI wanted a new family, a new mom, a nice brother that really loved me. I just wanted a normal life like everyone else. At this point, my life really was terrible. I had no friends, and nobody that I could talk to about this cause I had already lied about who the father of my baby was. Mom told me that Sharon's mom was mad at her because of the lie, but I didn't know what to do. I was 11 years old and a mom. I was going through the valley of the shadow of death, and didn't know it. I wanted to really be in a coma. I wouldn't have