Lillie's Reawakening of the Heart started out as just feelings and thoughts written down in a journal, but turned into something more. It is a compilation of two books of poetry, Reawakening of the Heart and Relationships. I started writing as a form of therapy after my adoptive parents passed away. I was really having a difficult time dealing with their deaths, because there were still some issues unresolved. <BR>For years, I had been carrying around a lot of hurt and pain that I didn't know how to deal with. I was blaming myself for a lot of things that were not a child's fault. As a child, I was sheltered. I didn't get a chance to experience a lot of things. <BR" had known I was adopted since I was a child, but was told they didn't know anything about my birthparents. As I grew older, I started to hear bits and pieces that led me to believe that this was untrue and they did know, but what could I do?<BR>Growing up, my parents seemed to favor my older sister and that hurt me deeply because I was the baby and I couldn't get any attention. I stood by and watched the violence and abuse in my home and there was nothing that I could possibly do about it. I remember once I told someone. When my mother found out, I got such a whipping! So I learned to keep my mouth shut and not to tell no matter what happened.<BR>When I became an adult, I locked these things away in a dark corner thinking I could go on, but that was such a mistake. Most of the mistakes that I would go on to make with my life and in dealing with relationships had a lot to do with my experiences as a child. Never thinking I was worthy of love, not knowing who I was, keeping feelings bottled up inside, dealing with domesticviolence and abuse were just some of the issues that I had to deal with. <BR>The same type of relationship that I ran away from, were the very ones I always managed to get involved in. The same vicious cycle that my mother went through, I saw myself in the same predicaments with no way out. <BR> Reawakening of the Heart and Relationships tell my struggle and my plight trying to find true love, coming to terms with death, domestic violence and abuse, and most of all, healing.<BR>One thing I've learned throughout this whole process is that no one can make me happy. I have to do that myself. I still have a lot more work to do on me, but at least I have started. The healing is ongoing. I finally realize that I am not alone. There are others out there just like me. I hope that me sharing some of my pain will help others. Talking to good friends and writing has helped me a great deal. Finally, after twenty or more years, I can look at myself and feel good about me and what I have accomplished.
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