The Comic Offering; Or, Ladies' Melange of Literary Mirth. Ed. by L.H. Sheridan (Paperback)

This historic book may have numerous typos and missing text. Purchasers can download a free scanned copy of the original book (without typos) from the publisher. Not indexed. Not illustrated. 1832 edition. Excerpt: ...eyes, on me soft languishing, Oft beamed with fond delight: --But now, they flash with angry fire; The paint is washed away From off that forehead brown--Good lack Whose horrid braids are grey I'd shun her o'er a mountain's side, I'd cross an angry flood; T' escape her tongue's continued strife I 'd dare the field of blood. But soon the turf will wrap my grave, And all my friends will say: He thought her young--and died--Good lack When he found her locks were grey A Stupid little urchin Went to his granny's school; With him she had no patience He seemed so like a fool. And whether she reproved him Or with her hand she'd strike, Nought ever seemed to mend him, He cared for both alike. One day, in reading verbs, He forgot both mood and tense, And she struck him with her crutch To try and beat in sense. He roared and screamed aloud, And the dame said, she believed 'Twas the hardest Grammar lesson That ever he received In future a verb active Would in his thoughts remain: Likewise the mood imperative He doubtless would retain When he went home, his mother Who thought him quite a wit, Said " han't you beat all others, And at Grammar made a hit." Poor Tom looked very foolish, And then began to stammer, "I didn't beat the other boys, But got a hit from Gramm'er." THE MAN WHO CARRIED HIS OWN BUNDLE. In the dullest part of the dullest county in England is situated the little demi-semi-fashionable bathing town of--Bless me --I was almost betrayed by the mere force of habit into the imprudence of calling it by its name. Once upon a time there happened to the said little town, a very dull bathing season--every town on the coast beside was full of company; bathers, walkers, donkey-riders, saunterers and pebble gatherers, yet the...